Thanksgiving is one of the best opportunities of the year to share quality time with loved ones. It’s also one of the only chances many people have to engage in thoughtful, uninterrupted conversations with the whole family, which means it’s the perfect time to discuss important family matters.
People should put a great deal of thought into designing their estate plans. A conversation about estate planning with children, parents, and other relatives can happen before, during, and after Thanksgiving dinner. Since most of the family is present, this would be an excellent time to bring up the plans you have or are considering implementing—here’s how to approach the subject.
Plan Ahead. Though conversations about estate planning do not need to be structured, it does help to go in with a plan. Make a list of questions and topics you want to cover. Examples are: what type of plan you have established, whom to choose as financial fiduciaries (those who will take over managing your finances when you cannot), medical fiduciaries (those who will make your medical decisions when you cannot), and guardians if you have minor children. You may generally talk about your assets, for example, whether or not you have life insurance. Preparing notes before initiating the conversation will help cover the key issues and stay on track if the discussion strays off-topic.
Choose a Lead-in. To not catch your family off guard, you should never dive right into the topic from out of nowhere. Instead, look for a lead-in opportunity as you converse, such as mentioning retirement or planning for the future. Beginning the conversation with basics can help to ensure that the conversation is natural. Developing and maintaining the conversation naturally will be more effective. Give the group a heads-up! Let the group know ahead of time that you’d like to initiate a conversation about the subject. Ask family members to come up with questions or ideas to bring up during the discussion. This way, you can start the dialogue without dominating the conversation, making it less off-putting and more productive!
Make it About Them. One of the biggest hurdles people face when discussing estate planning with loved ones is hurting someone’s feelings or creating divisions within the family. The key is to make the conversation about them and not you. Discuss how estate planning will benefit them and the whole family with peace of mind and highlight the importance of planning. Look for and mention an example of an estate that failed due to poor planning (pull out the stories I published in October). Be sure to ask if anyone has questions or concerns. Get them out in the open now so you can healthily address them.